Then & Now

My last post got me nostalgic.  I can’t believe how old I am sometimes.  When I say my age out loud, I’m like “when did that happen?!”  I just turned 27.5 last Friday.  So in celebration I drank til I could not function anymore.  Celebration or sadness?  Hmm whatever.

27.5 years old…WHAT?!??!

2013 marks the 9th year of me being in Portland.  9 YEARS.  That’s a 4th grader.  I remember 4th grade, we watched the OJ Simpson verdict in class.  I’ve grown to really love this city…it feels more like home than my actual hometown (Roseburg where you at?!?).  But Portland becomes small over time.  I’ve called it such a horrible thing as Roseburg #2.  By the time I was a senior in high school I was just so ready to leave and go to the BIG CITY.  As a child, I only knew Portland as the place we’d go to see the immigration lawyer or immigration hearings.  It was a scary place in general for me.  So as I was ready to pick my college of choice, I knew I had to go to Portland.  Make that city mean something different to me, also a place where they had Starbucks!

I’ve been having that “small town” anxious feeling the last year or two.  My future isn’t set here, I’ve outgrown this place.  I know this place like the back of my hand, I run into someone I recognize all the time, some people I DO NOT want to run into.   I always say that I lost that sparkle in my eyes; that”wide eyed big city livin” charm I used to have as a youngin.  I need to channel that feeling more.  I need to appreciate that I didn’t stay in my 20,000 people town.

So let’s take a look back at Stefanie 2004-2005 to Stefanie 2012-2013.  LEGGO:

Let me preface this era in my life.  Throughout high school I actively tried to be “different,” rejecting my default settings.  So I was “trying” during this era of my life.

Age: 18/19 (JUST MOVED TO DA CITY!)

Music Favs: The Strokes, Tegan and Sara, being about that “alternative music lifestyle”.  I was at a show once or twice a week.  The Crystal Ballroom, Roseland, Wonder Ballroom, I thought I was soooooo cool in my chucks in the all ages area.  Also, strategically made a playlist on my Myspace to show you how indie I was.

TV Favs: I have no idea what I watched.  I think I watched Smallville a lot.  And I wouldn’t go out until I watched SNL.

Coffee drink: I didn’t drink coffee until I tried to make a new friend in one of my freshman classes and she suggested coffee.  Up until that point I only drank those coffees that were basically birthday cakes.  I ordered a cappuccino because I heard that on TV. I wanted to throw up in my mouth the minute I took a sip.  But this is the city!  I gotta look cool.

Fashion: Jeans, t-shirts, hoodies, chucks (I had an array of colors).  I barely wore jewelry, tiny earrings if any at all.

Hair/Makeup Favs: What?  I didn’t do that.  I had my super curly hair for days and my makeup consisted of mascara…and that’s about it.

Car: I didn’t have one…I lived downtown and got lost on a bus a few times.

How’d you party tho: I went to many random parties with all the friends I met at shows or in class (mostly white).  I drank loads of PBR in tiny studios.  I’d walk home alone because people got white boy wasted and left me.  But this was all in an effort to be more “open.”

School activities: I tried to join a couple of organizations with other brown people.  I never had brown friends before so this was a big deal.  I entered their meetings and/or offices and was welcomed with death stares and eye rolls.  So I was done with that…

Portland Homeless moment: I was waiting for a bus in SE, and I heard weird “struggle” noises and I turned to my right and a dude was shitting into a plastic bag.  I’m a child from Roseburg and I thought I was going to die.

Food: There was a Mexican spot right on campus, Cha Cha Cha.  By the time my freshman year was done, Mauricio my homie, always said “Hola Cruz!  Los nachos?!?”  Yes homie, the nachos.

—INSERT 9 YEARS HERE—

Age: 26/27 (How I look each day doing the same shit)

Music Favs: A diet of E-40, Tupac, Dr. Dre, super gross misogynistic jams and anything 90s R&B

TV Favs: I watch way too much reality TV and Netflix

Coffee drink: Now if I don’t have coffee, I get a horrible headache right above my eyes.  I’ll drink coffee with regular cream at work.  Or if I’m out to by one, a vanilla latte.

Fashion: Dresses and skirts for days.  Easy to wear.  I don’t really like wearing pants, I feel manish.  I wear ridiculously large earrings to work or play, don’t matter!

Hair/Makeup favs: I try to put myself together with makeup each day to look alive.  My eyes need help because I look high if I don’t.  But fill your eyebrows in!  This is great for my face.

Car: I have Nissan Sentra, 2005, my mom’s ex car I bought from her.  It has a cleft lip since I slammed it in a wall during a post work anger-fest.  But it gets me around!

How’d you party tho: At this point in my life, I will drink until I am dragged home.  I will drink and keep drinking and even buy you drinks at the bar.  You’ll say you’re done, I will buy you one more.  Have fun with me. I drink sitting down and will down vodka and whiskey.  You all want to get some fries?

School activities: I don’t do that anymore.

Portland Homeless moment: Working downtown this happens on the daily, interaction with homeless folk. Nothing new.  Haven’t seen such a great shitting situation after my first experience.

Food: Nachos til I D-I-E!  I like to get my nacho game on at any establishment that offers them.  I’m kind of a nacho foodie now.  #dealwithit

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Hit me up on Myspace

Once upon a time, I refused to do homework and spent HOURS on Myspace.  Commenting up a storm, adding new Myspace angled bathroom photos, and doing surveys for all my “friends” to read.

This was like the best feeling ever:

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Remember when you talked to someone, and they’re like “I gotta get up early, I’m gonna go to bed.”  Two minutes later you’d go on MySpace (on a COMPUTER mind you…this is pre-apps) and you’d see that liar “online now” for hours.  Well let’s bring back the one fun thing about Myspace memories, an ABC survey.

A – Age: 27

B – Bed size: Queen

C – Chinese Food Dish: Orange chicken?  Or Egg Rolls?  That’s a tough one.  Whatever my hangover is feeling that day…

D – Dentist name: Crentist

E – Early Bird or Night Owl?: NIGHT.  I’m a vampire.

F – Favorite color: Blue.  That sounds so boring.  But it’s true.

G – Gold or Silver: Gold!

H – Height: 5’7″ aka MONSTER in the Salvi world.

I – Ink as in tattoo’s you have: I have 2

J – Job title: Executive Assistant (aka prisoner, aka adult babysitter, aka punching bag)

K – Kitchen Meal or Restaurant?: I love a great ambiance of a restaurant, plus I can’t cook.

L – Living arrangements: Living with domestic life-partner in our Jarrett Mansion (a duplex with sass and charm, but usually messy)

M – Month of birth: No shave November

#teamscorpio but I’m still crazy

N – Nicknames: Scruz, Stef, Tefi, Pan (my mom is weird), hmmm probably more.

O – On time or late: I’m always late.  I’m not 5 minutes away.

P – Pet Peeve: Liars and promise breakers (which I’m both these things)

Q – Quote from a movie: I quote too many, it’s half of my daily speak.

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I say this a lot.

R – Right or left handed: I’m right handed, but I looooooooove left handed dudes.  I see you Barak Obama signing away…

S – Siblings: 2 sisters and 1 bro

T – Time you wake up: Monday through Friday I TRY to wake up at 7ish.  I usually do the freak out jump out of bed thing around 7:30ish.

U – Urgent thing on your to do list: Too much at work, and I need to check my brakes on my car…That noise is getting outta control and stopped being cute.

V – Vegetable you dislike: So where are we with Tomatoes?  They are fruits?  But they’re disgusting and I’ll never eat them!

W – Wishing for: A lottery win and one way ticket outta here!

X – X-rays you’ve had: My right hand, I broke my pinky in 4th grade trying to get my WNBA on during recess.  I wore Filas, cuz Grant Hill wore Filas.

Y – Yummy food you make: I shove greek yogurt and granola together every day, sooooo catch me on the food network soon “The Lazy Girl Menu.”

Z – Zoo Favorite: LIONS and BEARS!

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Go, Whiteboy, Go.

Robin Thicke, I love you.

“No te gustan los güeros,  pero pa’ la proxima?” (You don’t like white guys, but maybe next time?)– My Dad’s dating advice to me about six months ago.

My dad is a full-blooded, tortilla-eating, I’ve-been-here-forty-years-but-speak-English-like-I-crossed-the-border-yesterday type of Mexican. He does own a tejana (cowboy hat) and botas, but he doesn’t wear those in public. He’s kind of metro, but I digress.

During our old blogging days, we dissected “Brown Man disease”–the “disease” men in our community suffer from and the side effects (patriarchy, machismo, hypermasculinity, all that fun stuff) Although we took a humorous tone discussing these things, it came from a place of experience. My dad is Brown Man disease positive. For my dad to insist I try and date a white man is his way of saying, “Mija, as a self-identified brown man, they are no good for you. Run. Save yourself. Those brown men will give you headaches. I know this because I am one. Own a house. Climb that socioeconomic ladder, girl. Get it.”

In the past, I have been rather close-minded. I was 16 years old when I “dated” the last white boy. Naturally, like attracts like. My preference has been to date brown dudes because they “get it.” They get what it mean to have split identities. I don’t have to explain why it smells like Mexican food at my parents house, or why they watch Sabado Gigante sometimes. Trying to explain these things is exhausting. Also, I don’t want to be judged. People judge what they don’t know, and if you judge my identity or my family’s customs, you might as well stick a knife in my heart and twist.

In the past, I have talked about “swirls”– white guys with some sort of debonair/urban twist. Robin Thicke and Justin Timberlake are the complete definition of a swirl. These men can do no wrong and have charm for days. They most definitely can get it.

Vintage Justin T-Lake

I’ve tried to give white guys a chance. I really have. But once they start with the, “I love soccer, oh, I’m sorry, futbol.” I gag. Here is a list of white guy behavior that automatically turns me off:

  • Telling me about their study abroad trip to Mexico and how they can order “cerveza” like a pro. Afterward, I usually say something along the lines of, “Isn’t it interesting how you can just go into another country with a passport like it’s not a big deal? But my family has had paperwork submitted for their visas since 1995. The borders are closed for them to enter your country, but they can be open for you so you can learn how to binge drink and act like an asshole in a foreign country–my parent’s birth country.” My mind automatically goes to immigration. I’m built that way because I grew up with it in my home. I can’t just turn it off. So yes, I’m going to share my perspective on the matter because I feel it is important. 
  • Practicing Spanish. This is the most annoying to me. My ability to roll my “R’s” or say things like they are supposed to be said in another language is not a party trick. I’m not your puppet.
  • Telling me they only “prefer” Latinas. How disgusting. A person who has the most socioeconomic power telling me that he “prefers” Latinas, as if I were some sort of ice cream flavor. Like he could have the pick of the litter, but he chooses Latinas, as if it’s supposed to be some sort of honor.

I’ve had small crushes on white guys in the past. Stefanie can attest to this since she witnessed me trying to lay the mack down on one guy in particular back in college. Its true, back in 2008/2009, I had a crush on a guy we dubbed, “swirl #1.” He was a sharp dresser, listened to hip-hop, and had a flirty personality. We had several communication studies classes together because we had the same major, but I was always too chicken to try anything. When I talked to him, I tried to channel this:

But Stefanie said I squirmed and acted so awkward that it was more like this: 

At this time in my life, I am currently open to whatever situation comes my way. This includes major life-decisions and small choices. I’m not looking for a full-blown relationship with anyone, but if a fly white boy wants to say what’s up, I’ll say hi back. I was recently in Seattle and I initiated a conversation with the cute white boy bartender. We hit it off and he asked for my number. I never heard from him again. I was pretty bummed because he was cute and mostly because I went out on a limb. My friends didn’t hear the end of it for a couple of days, and I openly apologize to them for that, but it was new experience for me! Anyway, I just have to keep it moving. His loss!

Would I Be My Own Friend?

The other day I jokingly complained  to someone that there is no such thing as a match.com for friendships. As you get older, friendships are the most difficult relationships to spark and upkeep. Courting an individual without the promise of sexy time or romance is hard. How do you convince a person that you have the qualities that say, “I’m a ride or die. Call me in the middle of the night, I’m here for you. I will be Thelma, you be Louise?”

I feel this that asking myself this question is necessary. Analyzing my strengths and weaknesses will help me be the best possible friend. All relationships are transaction based: What do you give to your relationships? What do you take? Are you toxic? Do you smother people? Are you a doormat? Sorry, I’m sounding like a Cosmo quiz, but this is important! Below is a list things awesome things I bring to friendship:

  • Humor- I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but toot toot. I prefer comedies, I like to laugh a lot, and I make pretty good impressions. My impressions have range too since my voice can do weird things. The more I try to sell this humor thing, the more I feel like Joey from Full House… and I’m not sure that’s a good thing. 

  • Loyalty- You tell me who wronged you, who called you fat, who called you a bitch, and I will conjure up the biggest bitchface I can muster–you have my word. A friend of mine is an extension of me. You feel disrespected? I feel disrespected. 

  • Buckle under peer-pressure – I do buckle under peer-presssure, it’s true. You want to drink on a work night? Let’s do this. I do draw the line when someone mentions meth. I’m a lady.
  • Reality Television- I’m down for embarking on some sort of marathon on shows about cake-making or the toddler beauty pageants.
  • Advice-Giving– I feel that sometimes I have my Dr. Phil moments.
  • Astrology- Give me your date, time, and location of birth, and I can make magic happen. I also help friends figure out if they are romantically compatible with dudes/ladies. I also remind you to check your monthly astrological forecast on the first of the month.
  • Style/Fashion- I’m no TIm Gunn, but I feel that I have a discerning eye. Style and Fashion is subjective and to each their own, but that’s kind of my shit. 
  • I’ll Stop You From Talking to Ugly Guys– Drinking not only impairs your ability to drive, it also messes with your perception of peoples physical beauty. I am the best goalie ever. I keep it real and will physically take you by the arm and remove you from a conversation with a guys that have “mistake” and “regret” written all over. Girl, just don’t. 
  • Personal Cheerleader- If you say you want to go to the moon and back, I’ll believe in you. I like to know peoples hopes, dreams, and wishes because I believe in the unattainable. Everything is possible.
  • Romance Champion– I’m not exactly a romantic. I root for other people’s romantic stuff, not my own. I’m a realist when it comes to my personal life,  but The Notebook gets me every fucking time. I like listening to other people’s love stories. One time, the barista that usually sells my coffee rode the bus with me. He told me how he met his girlfriend and felt she was “the one.” I cried little tears of happiness for him. No really, a couple of tears came out. I’ll listen to your story and help you plan your wedding. I’m really good with finding the right wedding dress and figuring out themes for hypothetical weddings.

  • Chatty/Social- Sometimes I can be a bit shy, but after I have overcome that obstacle, I’m pretty chatty. I am hyper curious about people and I ask a lot of questions. We will build rapport in no time. If alcohol is involved, I’ll promise to make you my emergency contact at the hospital–even if it is our first time meeting. That’s how much I believe in “us” as friends. 

I think I’m kind of awesome for the most part. Yes, I have my flaws, but overall, I feel that I would be my own friend. I only hope good things and wish for the best if I call you my friend. Over the years, I have learned that friendships are where it’s at. I’m trying harder to be a better person to keep in touch with, but unfortunately I am  the “out of sight out of mind” type of person. Not because I don’t care, but because I get wrapped up in my own world and day-to-day. This is something I am actively working on. You don’t want to be old one day and realize that no one cares about you. A lot of people put emphasis on their romantic partnerships, but if this person leaves you, you have no one. Don’t let your boo thang be your everythang. Who will take you to the airport after your divorce? Who will take you to the hospital if you feel that you are dying, but it turns out to be intense heart burn from eating really good spicy food? My point is: nurture all relationships equally.

25 Things

This article over at xoJane inspired me to look deep within myself and list 25 things that just make me super happy.  It’s the little things that give my life a mini boost.

1. Free drinks
2. Summer dresses
3. My sister’s grilled cheese sandwiches
4. New makeup
5. Miniature versions of anything
6. Bob from “La Bamba


7. Puns
8. Happy Hour
9. Freshly washed sheets
10. Guys with beards
11. Children dressed like grown ups

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12. E-40’s Music
13. Waking up in the middle of the night thinking it’s time to wake up, but I have hours left before my alarm
14. Day drinking
15. No work Mondays
16. Summer night strolls
17. Nachos
18. Balconies and the views from them
19. Speaking in movie quotes
20. Gifs


21. City lights
22. Opening a new body butter from the Body Shop
23. Surprise text messages
24. Finding cash in a random purse or jacket
25. Netflix: Watch Instantly

♥Stefanie♥

Facebook Behavior That Needs to Stop

My relationship with Facebook has been a long and tumultuous one. I was there when Facebook was an exclusive gated community meant for college students only. If you weren’t part of the proper “networks”, you couldn’t see your old high school classmates gain the freshman fifteen and dabble in binge drinking. Now, Facebook is open to everyone and is a vibrant hodgepodge of all types of individuals. To be honest, some people’s behavior on Facebook is exhausting! You follow people through their pregnancies, their engagements, break-ups, weight-loss endeavors, you name it! It’s all there! Below, I will outline the types of things people choose to share on Facebook, and what they are really trying communicate to the world.

  • Self-Portraits: Now, we’ve all engaged in this. Before Facebook, there was the MySpace. At MySpace university, I took various classes on the art of the self-portrait. Everything must be on point: location, makeup, lighting, pose, the caption. You have to juggle all of these things all while trying to make it look effortless. Here are some typical portraits you may encounter in 2013 on Facebook:
    • The Car Self-Portrait:  It is illegal to text in the state of Oregon, but it’s not illegal to take a picture of yourself while you are at a stop? It should be. This car self-portrait says to the world: “Today, I felt I looked fierce. I want to capture this moment quickly since I am always on the go. Look at me, I have a life! I may be going to work, school, a friends house, you don’t know. I shouldn’t be on the phone right now, but fuck da police.” 
    • Mirror Self-Portraits: The mirror portrait is everywhere. If you don’t have one, then you are like the weirdo who still doesn’t have a cell phone today. It’s that common, get with the program. I’m pretty guilty of it myself. A lot of the time, I like to show my outfits using the mirror or show off my phone case. Guilty. I own this.
Meet my phonecase, Bear-y White
Meet my phonecase, Bear-y White
    • No-Makeup/Morning Self-Portrait: These are probably the most annoying to me. Girl, you did not roll out of bed like that. Your eyelashes are naturally that curly and dark? The light just happens to reflect off of your lips that are not wearing lipgloss. Right.
  • Weather updates- I don’t need updates on the weather. I can look outside for myself. Thanks. Oh what’s that? You’re complaining about the rain? You live in Portland, OR. It rains 9 months out of the year. Don’t act brand new, you knew what you signed up for by living here. 
  • Girls Night Out! At about 5pm on a Friday, you’ll start seeing the status updates that look a little something like this: “Oh my god! Finally the work day is over! Can’t wait to hang with my girlies tonight! #girlsnight #noboyfriends #singlegirls #ontheprowl” Then there’s the update with the visuals with the actual drinks and girl-on-girl hugging. The message they are trying to convey: “I’m an independent career gal and I want to let loose. My lady friends and I are the neo-Sex and City. I’m such a Carrie it’s not even funny. My bestie that goes home with dudes after one too many appletinis is such a Samantha.”  Sure. Whatever you say, girl. “Girls Night” for me usually involves drinking lots of clear alcohol, talking to random strangers and accidentally giving out my real phone number, hopping from one venue to another, and my friends trying to round up the troops because one person has become ravenous with hunger. A plate of nachos is usually the highlight of my night. No regrets!
  • “Doin’ Me” Status Update. The funny part is, I see mostly guys posting these after a break-up. They always swear they’re going to hit the gym harder, eat right, and just, “do them.” It always goes something like this: “Been through too much drama. I don’t have time for that in my life right now. I’m just concentrating on doin’ me.”  Usually this translates into: “Ladies, I’m single, I just broke up with this crazy bitch that put me through an emotional ringer. Text me.” My favorite updates are the ones where the guy is getting ready to go out. That shit is comedy: “Fuck it, it’s Friday. Got the homies rollin’ through and we’re about to pop some bottles! #doinme” Oh you poor wounded soul. We all know you’re still friends with your ex-girlfriend and you want her to see the update so she reads between the lines. What you are really trying to say is: “I am single. This is real. I want you to know that I could potentially bring home a lady friend. We may drink a lot and engage in intercourse, or some mouth love–it’s a possibility!  My friends are going to be my wingmen. I’m still a hot commodity. Be jealous. Text me”  But we all know he will end the night very drunk, sweaty, and alone. The last text will go to his ex-girlfriend: “I still love you, I’m done doin’ me.”  

  • The Gym Check-in. Lord, the gym check-in. We get it, you are working on your fitness just like Fergalicious. I’m a fat ass on the computer, you are on your mobile phone at 24- hour fitness bouncing around on a treadmill. You’re disciplined, congratulations. This check-in is by far the most transparent. Checking in to 24-hour fitness is like the online version of wearing black– you want to appear skinny. I can think of one particular individual that checks in to 24-hour fitness almost every day. I’ve seen him in person and I expect to see abs I can wash my clothes on, but no, he looks the same!  He probably drives-by 24-hour, parks, and checks-in. This guy always updates with: “getting my work out in! Beast mode!’ Maybe he’s going hard in his water aerobics class or trying his best at gentle yoga. Child pose like a boss! I want to tell that guy one thing: “Boo, own those curves. Quit sucking it in via Facebook.” 

There you have it! A short and comprehensive list to Facebook behavior. This is just the tip of the iceberg. I hope next time you all log-in you pay attention to the things people are REALLY saying.