Music is all that fits me right now

As I’m in this transition mode in life, music has been my escape (or xscape, however you like to pronounce).  Because I’m so into sharing, I shall give you my top 5 songs of the moment.

“Will Do”-TV On the Radio

The most epic tragic song.  We all I know I love some sort of tragedy.  The lyrics and music go deliciously together.

“3 Minutes of Watts”-Kendrick Lamar ft. Jay Rock

Kendrick Lamar and Jay Rock, what can I say.  I’m a fan girl.

“Mine for Life”-The Sounds

I saw this band when I was 16 and it was epic.  Swedish band with synth noises, my teenage shit.  I revisited this album as I was moving.  Still sing it like a true champ like I’m wearing my chucks all over again.

“Up in it”-Wiz Khalifa

This is Wiz Khalifa and I should be embarrassed, but I’m out and proud with this song.  It has an old “slow jams” vibe about it, therefore it’s a TREAT.  My default favorite music genre is anything and everything slow jam-ee.

“Paint”s Peeling”-Rilo Kiley

Another CD I revisited in the move.  For a whole term of college, I took only women studies courses and volunteered in the Women’s Resource Center.  In my time there, I would listen to this album every morning with my coffee.  I just felt so COLLEGE.


Bye Portland, I’ll miss you…

Portland OR and I broke up.  After 9 years together we just didn’t “feel” each other anymore.  Coming from a small town to Portland when I was 18 was the one of the best decisions I ever made.  I found myself as a young adult and really learned life on my own.  After so much time though, I felt as though I got all I could out of the place.


The next adventure in life has always been grad school, so since I am not getting any YOUNGER, I knew time was ticking.  I still have no ties to hold me down, I still have the opportunity in life to pick up and bounce, to figure out  this new phase of life.  So where am I going?!?!!?

San Francisco…you win.


I’m going into grad school in SF and couldn’t be more excited but nervous as hell.  I don’t really know many down there, so I’m really going step out of my comfort zone and go all in.

Living in Portland I had my share of  “hates” but as I make this transition , I shall share little bits of my life in Portland I’ll miss…


I feel the most at peace when driving around.  Not only do I have full control (of the car that is), but I have an opportunity to listen to my music at an obnoxious volume and cut people off to feel good about myself.  Plus, I knew ALL the routes and parking  situations in most areas like a boss.  My parallel parking skills were off da hook.  INSERT ALL THE BRAGS HERE

My “home”

This particular “crib” was my first post-college, single lady pad.  It was unique and carried a lot of memories.  That place saw a lot…positive, negative, regrets, celebrations, barf, etc.  Just the neighborhood, it had character.  Front stoop sitting and drinking…the best.  Packing that bitch up was a truly emotional and sad experience.

Holiday time

Portland is beautiful, peaceful and lit up with lights left and right during the holiday months.  The days/nights that it doesn’t rain, the coldness mixed with a hot drink (hot chocolate or hot toddy, your choice) just feels perfect and picturesque.

The regular drinking spots and getting beyond schwilly

These evolved over the years, but a staple here and there that stayed true.  It’s nice having a regular joint, you know what you’re getting into and you know what you’re drinking and who might be there.  This can also serve as all negatives too, but now that I think about it…having comfort like that is nice.  By the end of my days in Portland, I just watched people like a hawk in the corner with all the judgements but got hella twisted.  My ride or die homies right there to save my life.  Building up friendships like that are tough…

Portland Summer Nights

Some of the most beautiful times have been had on Portland summer nights.  There is something in the air when the night time feels warm that makes Portlanders just go crazy.  I appreciate that.  Shenanigans ensue!

That’s all I can really think about right now.  I think more time away I shall revisit this post and will have much more to add.  Or I can make a new post that is more like “Portland sucks and I will never want her again, SF is the baddest bitch and I mean baddest as in she’s better.”

To my family and friends in my Oregon home…Imma miss you so much!!!!


Wanna get a drink?

I think the best way to bond is through booze.  For anxious and semi-shy people like me, I think when you lose a bit of your inhibitions, you unlock the “real” you.  But this could be the alcoholic in me speaking.


With that said, I have a “wish list” of people I’d like to go drinking with.  Like they’d be a fun time.

1. Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper


The three of us would go out to a nice lounge/wine bar.  Like a members only place.  With all the city lights on some top floor place.  I’d be the ugliest and manliest of the three obviously.  I bow down to the power fierce gays.

2. Single Ronnie

Ronnie from Jersey Shore was only awesome during that Miami single phase.  Together we could dance battle and motorboat ANYONE.  We’d encourage the fist pump and throw obscene insults at Sammy.

3. E-40 & Too Short


I feel like we would drink a mix of spendy brown liquor but also some sort of home-brew alcohol that rivals prison hooch.  One drink and you’re HELLA done.  I know there would probably be a lot of groupies but I think that would be entertaining as I puff and pass my black and mild.

4. Scott Disick


He was the “why?!” for so long on Keeping Up with the Kardashians.  But now he’s the only fun one.  He is the bitch of his baby mama, I think she has his balls in some sort of jar or container.  He’s a dad, a kind of husband, but when he goes to Vegas or Miami…he’s a hot mess.  I feel like we’d drink the most expensive white rich boy booze.  “Regal service only” rolling with this guy.

5. Rizzo from Grease

I realized I needed a female for this list.  I know Rizzo isn’t a real person, but she’s a drinking hero.  Rizzo is a no nonsense bitch and she makes men feel stupid.  All I want in life is to keep her energy alive.  I’m the one that picks on girls at sleepovers for being prudish.  Sawrry.

Orange Is the New Black…OBSESSED

When I find a new TV show that is amazing, I fall into a trance.  I eat up episodes like crazy.  Netflix was created for people like me.  Those that say “limits?  what are those?  I’m gonna watch all season TODAY.”  There have only been a handful of television shows that have blown me away, crafted perfectly and keeps my attention.  And I’m not talking straight up comedies, those are too easy to take in and watch over and over again.  I’m talking more hardcore drama/dramedy types that suck my soul.  I’ve lost sleep over the following:

  • Six Feet Under (I watched this via Netflix discs, the day I’d get new discs I would not sleep.  I went to class in a hoodie and glasses)
  • The first season of Roswell (changed my life in 8th grade!  Still the same magic when I re-watch it on Netflix)
  • Dexter (love the concept and the tragic soul that is Dexter.  I need to catch up on seasons and wrap this bitch up…as it’s now in it’s final season)
  • Weeds (also another Netflix binge.  This show has the sense of humor I love, a little on the dark side).
  • Mad Men (the mess that is Don Draper is one of the best things on TV).I kept seeing ads on Netflix for the new original series “Orange Is the New Black.”  All I saw was  “prison” and “from the creator of Weeds.”  I was sold.  All 13 episodes are available online, since July 11.  I literally watched all 13 episodes in one sitting, I saw the sun come up.


This show is in one word AMAZING!  It has a blend of everything I love: tragedy, sarcasm, complex characters, unique  storylines, and flawed protagonists.  There is something for everyone who watches this, you’ll find the characters you root for and how you identify yourself and the ones you hate.

This show is great in that it’s a show made by a woman, with the majority of the cast being women.  Women of all backgrounds, a truly “diverse” group.


The show is based on a memoir written by Piper Kerman, basically a story about her time in a women’s prison.  The show’s lead character, Piper Chapman, has to serve a 15 month prison sentence in upstate New York.  She basically gets caught moving drug money for her girlfriend, who is an international drug cartel.  After many years, post-drug and post-girlfriend time, Piper is engaged to Larry (a dude) and has a new life…but then is summoned to prison to pay her debt for her past.

Piper enters prison and from there, we meet a bunch of interesting people.  Everyone from a Russian cook, a transsexual woman, a mother and daughter both locked up, an uber Christian, “crazy eyes,” a sick and twisted officer they call “Pornstache,” and tons more.  One of my favorite things that the show does, is the flashback scenes.  So each episode they take an inmate’s story of how they got to prison.  It gives the viewer this extra peek into each person’s life.

The show is beautifully done, and I’ll be counting down the days for season 2 (which it has already been renewed).  Not only is the story, characters, writing, everything the best, but also I fell in love with one of the correctional officers.  When you watch the show just remember BENNETT.  He’s a peg leg CO with a heart of gold and falls for one of the inmates.  TRUE LOVE that is flawed…those are the love stories I root for, fuck that Notebook shit.


Tiger Beat has nothing on these crushes…

Back in my day, the crushes consisted of JTT, Devon Sawa, Andrew Keegan…the typical boy crushes.  It morphed into boy band mania, the BSBs and the Nsyncs.  I was guilty, I loved Justin Timberlake‘s Top Ramen hair.

As I’ve evolved into somewhat of a “unique” soul, my crushes as a 27 year old differ from the “typical” ones other folks my age might have.  Everyone is so down for the Ryan Goslings and the 2013 Justin Timerlake.  Don’t get me wrong, I think they’re great as well.  But they’re so typical. Everyone loves them.

So I share with you my unconventional crushes, ones that won’t make any “top” lists in People Magazine or anything of that variety.

1. Michael Dow


He is the charming therapist on VH1’s Couples Therapy.  First of all, I love the show.  And when I saw him on the show and heard his wise words, OMG I was like “Who are you?!?!”  He is an author, psychotherapist and addiction recovery expert.  Smart and charm!  Yes please.

2. Suge Knight


So let me explain.  I know he was like in prison forever and beat up a bunch of women, but he is the straight up beast to my beauty.  But I’m talking like 90’s Suge Knight.  Like when he rolled with Tupac and shit.  It’s just a weird demented part of my brain.  Safe Space.  He looks like a bear in a human costume.  Yes please.

3. Chris Laurita


From the Real Housewives of New Jersey, he is a husband on the show.  And he has that whole stoic man essence about him.  He may be blonde and blue eyed (not my thing), but his personality and manliness radiates through.  And he’s such a good dad!  Yes please.

4. Max from Catfish


I don’t even know his last name, he’s just Max.  He is the sidekick to Nev, a fellow investigator and kind of an asshole.  He always checks Nev whenever he goes into  lala land.  He has a head full of silver hair, but that’s ok.  At least he’s not Taylor Hicks.  Yes please.

As you can see, I’m all over the place.  If you have a charming aura, I think I’m in love.  I shall redecorate my room to include posters of these guys.  Any guests will know exactly where my “crushing” standards are.

Call Me Maybe

I feel as though the evolution of my phones have been a reflection of my life.  I have a history of treating my phones like garbage, or there was somehow a freak accident, or I just went and bought a new one out of nowhere because I’m an impulsive bitch.

I didn’t get a cell phone until I graduated high school in 2004, so this was after the whole Nokia block phone phenomenon which everyone in high school had.  My sister bought me a cell phone on her plan and prepped me for college.  I got a Samsung flip phone, no camera.  I thought it was the most regal thing in the world.  It had an aquarium background, so bright and beautiful.  This was my first cell phone in college, I BOUGHT all the ringtones, assigned ringers to certain people, I went mad crazy on the T9 texting.  I thought I was so adult.  I eventually evolved into a new Samsung with a camera, a little blue nugget.  Pics for days.  I felt proud that I bought it myself.  I eventually gave that phone to a friend and she got angry at someone and threw it against a wall and it went to pieces.  #ihavecoolfriends


As I got a little older, I got into some shinier shit, got up on that RAZR and slider world.  This was when I was starting to morph into dropping shit all the time.  I blame the booze consumption, but who knows.  The fact that these phones could vibrate AND ring at the same time, I thought technology had advanced so hard.  My RAZR went to my mom, and all the buttons fell off the slider phone.  Which I think I gave to my dad and he held it together with a rubber band–Salvi MacGyver.


It was during this Blackberry episode of life that I went insane and literally abused my phone.  Like we had a hate/hate relationship.  After my slider, I went crazy over feeling fancy with a red blackberry.  The little ball on the phone was so suggestive, and all my friends liked to touch it because they’re perverts.  I dropped this phone in a toilet in a gay club.  So you’d think it would die, but I brought that bitch back to life.  The letters P and K are the only ones that worked for like a week.  I dropped that phone and it broke to pieces every night I was faded.  Marbs had to put it together every time.  But she still held on.  By the time I graduated college, the ball had fallen out and I could only really make calls and receive messages.  I got a replacement phone, and then I dropped that in the toilet and it died forever.

Then I graduated, and I said HEY DAMMIT I will treat my phone better.  So I got a white blackberry, because they say white is better right?  White Power.  That phone was my radio in the morning and as I grabbed my toothbrush, I sent that phone flying into a toilet.  You see the toilet thing is a theme now?  Blackberries belong in the toilet.

blackberry curve 8520 white

After the blackberry saga, I got a MyTouch…the name alone right?  That one got stolen, but it was cool because it weighed 400lbs.  So I got a replacement phone of an HTC Sensation.  These cell phone names tho…The HTC Sensation betrayed me.  I disappeared one day and it died so I couldn’t call out for an SOS.  The screen NEVER turned back on.  All the sound would work, but the screen was black like my soul.


In the interim, I had to use my dad’s OLD phone of a Nokia flip phone MEANING my dad had a better functioning phone.  This is where I stood up, puffed out my chest and said “you know what?! Fuck this shit, TMobile it’s probably you!  I hate you, you’re the worst.  I’m leaving you and I’m taking the kids (my phone number).”


And so I got off that family contract, I wandered into the woods that is the mall to find a new plan and a new life.  I had to take a friend because signing a contract made me want to jump out of a window…I have commitment issues.  I wandered into Verizon, they treated me right, they gave me the charm and respect I was looking for.  I said, WHAT THE HELL, let’s get that iPhone 5.  So now I’m team blue, and I’ve taken such good care of this child (as I knock on wood).  I started anew with this phone, she’s my confidant, my night partner, we’re doing great.  We shall have you over for brunch soon, we’ve been wanting to entertain more. XoXo-Siri


Then & Now

My last post got me nostalgic.  I can’t believe how old I am sometimes.  When I say my age out loud, I’m like “when did that happen?!”  I just turned 27.5 last Friday.  So in celebration I drank til I could not function anymore.  Celebration or sadness?  Hmm whatever.

27.5 years old…WHAT?!??!

2013 marks the 9th year of me being in Portland.  9 YEARS.  That’s a 4th grader.  I remember 4th grade, we watched the OJ Simpson verdict in class.  I’ve grown to really love this city…it feels more like home than my actual hometown (Roseburg where you at?!?).  But Portland becomes small over time.  I’ve called it such a horrible thing as Roseburg #2.  By the time I was a senior in high school I was just so ready to leave and go to the BIG CITY.  As a child, I only knew Portland as the place we’d go to see the immigration lawyer or immigration hearings.  It was a scary place in general for me.  So as I was ready to pick my college of choice, I knew I had to go to Portland.  Make that city mean something different to me, also a place where they had Starbucks!

I’ve been having that “small town” anxious feeling the last year or two.  My future isn’t set here, I’ve outgrown this place.  I know this place like the back of my hand, I run into someone I recognize all the time, some people I DO NOT want to run into.   I always say that I lost that sparkle in my eyes; that”wide eyed big city livin” charm I used to have as a youngin.  I need to channel that feeling more.  I need to appreciate that I didn’t stay in my 20,000 people town.

So let’s take a look back at Stefanie 2004-2005 to Stefanie 2012-2013.  LEGGO:

Let me preface this era in my life.  Throughout high school I actively tried to be “different,” rejecting my default settings.  So I was “trying” during this era of my life.


Music Favs: The Strokes, Tegan and Sara, being about that “alternative music lifestyle”.  I was at a show once or twice a week.  The Crystal Ballroom, Roseland, Wonder Ballroom, I thought I was soooooo cool in my chucks in the all ages area.  Also, strategically made a playlist on my Myspace to show you how indie I was.

TV Favs: I have no idea what I watched.  I think I watched Smallville a lot.  And I wouldn’t go out until I watched SNL.

Coffee drink: I didn’t drink coffee until I tried to make a new friend in one of my freshman classes and she suggested coffee.  Up until that point I only drank those coffees that were basically birthday cakes.  I ordered a cappuccino because I heard that on TV. I wanted to throw up in my mouth the minute I took a sip.  But this is the city!  I gotta look cool.

Fashion: Jeans, t-shirts, hoodies, chucks (I had an array of colors).  I barely wore jewelry, tiny earrings if any at all.

Hair/Makeup Favs: What?  I didn’t do that.  I had my super curly hair for days and my makeup consisted of mascara…and that’s about it.

Car: I didn’t have one…I lived downtown and got lost on a bus a few times.

How’d you party tho: I went to many random parties with all the friends I met at shows or in class (mostly white).  I drank loads of PBR in tiny studios.  I’d walk home alone because people got white boy wasted and left me.  But this was all in an effort to be more “open.”

School activities: I tried to join a couple of organizations with other brown people.  I never had brown friends before so this was a big deal.  I entered their meetings and/or offices and was welcomed with death stares and eye rolls.  So I was done with that…

Portland Homeless moment: I was waiting for a bus in SE, and I heard weird “struggle” noises and I turned to my right and a dude was shitting into a plastic bag.  I’m a child from Roseburg and I thought I was going to die.

Food: There was a Mexican spot right on campus, Cha Cha Cha.  By the time my freshman year was done, Mauricio my homie, always said “Hola Cruz!  Los nachos?!?”  Yes homie, the nachos.


Age: 26/27 (How I look each day doing the same shit)

Music Favs: A diet of E-40, Tupac, Dr. Dre, super gross misogynistic jams and anything 90s R&B

TV Favs: I watch way too much reality TV and Netflix

Coffee drink: Now if I don’t have coffee, I get a horrible headache right above my eyes.  I’ll drink coffee with regular cream at work.  Or if I’m out to by one, a vanilla latte.

Fashion: Dresses and skirts for days.  Easy to wear.  I don’t really like wearing pants, I feel manish.  I wear ridiculously large earrings to work or play, don’t matter!

Hair/Makeup favs: I try to put myself together with makeup each day to look alive.  My eyes need help because I look high if I don’t.  But fill your eyebrows in!  This is great for my face.

Car: I have Nissan Sentra, 2005, my mom’s ex car I bought from her.  It has a cleft lip since I slammed it in a wall during a post work anger-fest.  But it gets me around!

How’d you party tho: At this point in my life, I will drink until I am dragged home.  I will drink and keep drinking and even buy you drinks at the bar.  You’ll say you’re done, I will buy you one more.  Have fun with me. I drink sitting down and will down vodka and whiskey.  You all want to get some fries?

School activities: I don’t do that anymore.

Portland Homeless moment: Working downtown this happens on the daily, interaction with homeless folk. Nothing new.  Haven’t seen such a great shitting situation after my first experience.

Food: Nachos til I D-I-E!  I like to get my nacho game on at any establishment that offers them.  I’m kind of a nacho foodie now.  #dealwithit